I have noticed in my journey that a habit of focusing on the past rarely brings happiness or success. Past circumstances should not damage future potentials and yet many people have a hard time letting go.
Working in healing means I have to listen to quite a lot of trauma from which I have to remain detached. I understand that the future is unknown; however, the tried and true way of predicting the future would be in evaluating present habits. Most of the time people are in a loop for they believe everything has the same outcome.
Overcoming bringing past events into the future requires a habit of remaining in the present. Therefore, I maintain a daily practice of self-care and healing. This prevents regressing in my own growth and alleviating symptoms of PTSD.
Imagine a dancer aware yet aggressively dancing on a knee that has tendinitis. The dancer consequentially encounters an ankle sprain due to compensation of other muscle groups to complete desired movements. Anxiety about the future of the dancer's career creates anxiety in attending physical therapy, too many older dancers projecting their own horror stories makes it seem not worth it. The dancer then decides to leave the company after the allotted down time for fear of a more serious injury occurring.
Three things to point out in this particular example:
The lack of accountability of the dancer for not honoring their body when the only issue was tendinitis.
The dancer did not do the work to restore themselves to pre-injury status
The dancer assumed what the future would bring and quit dancing.
Believe it or not, this example can actually scale to more serious mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. I understand this from a 10 year journey to overcome childhood trauma of abandonment, sexual abuse, suicide attempts, and further adult trauma of homelessness, rape, and financial abuse.
The key lesson learned involved understanding mindset plays a big part in what happens in the present and the future. Did something awful happen? Yes. Does it matter? No.
I am not whom I was yesterday.
Accountability is about reclaiming power not necessarily accepting blame. Remorse involves accepting blame and is painful to experience. Some people live in remorse, "If only." "I should have." "It's all my fault." Some of these phrases sound familiar?
Making choices yield different consequences be they positive or negative. Having some sort of accountability means that there is an opportunity to have different consequences through making different choices. Once one starts to have accountability in their actions, they see just how much power they hold. One must consider the consequence yielded within 25 years when making choices. Positivity and negativity are contagious and fast spreading, so be cautious on the intention of the choices.
Learning about trans-karmic energy through my studies in Tantra and Taoism offered some comfort to my suffering. Traumatic events do not have to be claimed as one's own. What I mean is that making every trauma a personal attack instead of a learning experience will absolutely keep someone rooted in victimhood. Further, victimhood is a tactic used to remove one's own accountability from an event. If accountability holds an individuals power, walking in victimhood removes one's power.
Not everything has to be something that was premeditated. People come in all types of varieties of personalities. They encounter one another and events occur. Some people clash. Some people blend. Some people steal. Some people are honest and open. Some people enjoy manipulating others. Some people are reliving trauma experiences everyday and are disconnected from the good the world has to offer.
After a traumatic event, autobiographies are a great tool to engage with the world. Someone once told me that they didn't read auto biographies because "It just always seems like the greatest story ever told." I agreed. Autobiographies tend to be extraordinary, but that is because people are extraordinary. All of us have a best selling story; however, we don't all write the book. The human experience involves trials and opportunities to prove that we have resilience. The sheer volume of autobiographies removes the crutch of victimhood for if one indulges enough in others' stories they will find the blueprint to overcoming struggle.
No matter what has happened, there is always another chapter ready to be written.
The dancer quit because of fear of an injury that had not happened. How many of us do this everyday? How many of us allow the fear of failure prevent us from pursuing goals? How many of us procrastinate starting anything until we have "proof" that it will be a success?
It's time to stop quitting. Quitting seems to give immediate gratification because it provides the semblance of control in the situation. Realistically, quitting destroys the opportunity to experience the capacity of which we can remain in control. Pressure and integrity; a common balance in life. Here's an example:
The form for a deadlift is the same regardless 1lb or 300lbs. In increasing weight in that movement, we aren't only trying to pick up 300lbs, but maintaining a form and technique that keeps us in control of the weight. Picking up the weight with incorrect form can lead to injury and therefore a disruption in training progress. Same thing goes in life.
If a situation becomes challenging or negative, there are an array of choices that can be made. Therefore, the choice that is made should align most with our integrity. Consider physical integrity, "Will this choice bring harm to my body?". Consider your mental integrity, "Will this choice cause me mental duress afterward?". Consider your spiritual integrity, "Does this choice align with my personal beliefs and boundaries?". Consider your financial integrity, "Can I afford to do this?". Consider your social integrity, "Will this choice isolate me from my support network?"
Ha, believe it or not, the same amount of things should be considered prior to a lift. So, if we aren't making the proper considerations prior to the lift, it's not going to be a safe lift. Just as if we aren't considering that much in our choices... it's probably not a safe choice.
Some people are more impulsive and don't put that much thought forward. Some people may be operating out of their capacity when striving for personal growth. Accountability followed by restorative practice is essential. We are all going to make a choice that may yield a negative consequence; therefore, we all need to develop practices of healing that aid in dealing with the consequence.
Meditation, gratitude, basic needs care, movement, creativity, and community are fundamental in restorative practice.
Meditation allows us to reset our minds perspective of the experience. Take time to grieve, however rumination is stagnant energy. Healing is a habit, not a supernatural experience. Try a shadow bath and feel what is needed to be felt. Then leave the situation in the water and allow it to flow down the drain.
Next gratitude reminds us of our priorities. Ruminating creates wedges with our loved ones and our careers, it can even lead to isolation and depression where we sit stagnant in negative energy. A practice of listing the things that bring joy in life will provide balance to the negative or challenging events.
Every being is responsible for their care. Even in an older age or after a bad accident people who end up in hospice or nursing homes still have to pay for that. Therefore, the most important thing we can do to overcome trauma is to bring ourselves back to basics. Eat, drink water, sleep, cleanse the body, and stretch. Sometimes when someone is at rock bottom, those activities are enough to keep them busy.
Movement is vital in removing trauma that sits deep in the muscle tissue and bones. Think about the toxins that come out of the body as we sweat. Even core stimulation promotes bowel movements. Movement also invigorates the body and releases feel good hormones like serotonin naturally, which drastically improves the mood. Movement also has tangible progress one can feel and see if consistent.
Creativity and self expression are like a person's signature. What we create are unique offerings to the world and offer insight into our lives, even our souls. Something as simple as cooking a meal can be a practice of creativity. Creating is how many can gauge their value in this world. Even if we never share our creations with others, we still have the knowledge of our ability and thus move differently through the world. Creativity leads to confidence.
Lastly, community involvement helps heal from a traumatic event. Isolation is when we lose perspective over the situation. Think about the auto biographies I enjoy reading. They not only offer perspective around my trauma but a way to access community when I feel no one around me will understand. Personally, I focus on what I can give back to the community when I feel low. No matter where I am in my life, I can still help someone. That makes me feel so much better about myself and what ever situation has me in doubt.
Power lies in our present practices and habits, not our past. Focusing on what you have going on right now and not what has happened in the past keeps life moving in a fast pace. Moreover, if the same events happen over and over again; reviewing what habits we refuse to give up can give insight into why they keep happening.
Remember, you got this.
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